need another drink. this is the easiest way
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
