i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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