he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
