i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
