his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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