Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
