Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
