my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
