I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
