so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
