At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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