I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
