yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
