You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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