He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
