you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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