Your tits are I can't wait for
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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