u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
