Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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