Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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