I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
