Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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