I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
