My first STD was from a foam party
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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