yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize