Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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