OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
