I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So much rum. So many feels.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
