1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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