Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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