i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
