cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you would pick up someone in the library
he was CRYING into my vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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