i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you. Go after that dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
