Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize