I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
