She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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