So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
