If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
