i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
