Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
