living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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