Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
