I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
