even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
