He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
