bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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