but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
