sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
