if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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