im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
