If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
