Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
