I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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