In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
