Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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