Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
