WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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