is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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