I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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