i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize