wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
