He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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